Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
