Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
