is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
