maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
