I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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