Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
