Please, let me fuck your mom
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
