My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
