what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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