I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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