I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
