I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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