I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
