don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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