i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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