ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
