I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
