note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
