i love accidental penises.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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