Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
