I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
