Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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