If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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