Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
