Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
