Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
