theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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