you would pick up someone in the library
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
my poor anus
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
