I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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