it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
