I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
