my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
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all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
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We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out