I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
