Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you