someone get that fucking seahorse.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.