just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.