I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The pigeons can smell the fear
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ