whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
