you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Farmville is her only friend.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away