I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
