dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
