I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
