Swine flu. Run for my life!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize