Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
