My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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