shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Drunk is not a location!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize