I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
