Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
