i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
