that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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