i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
