Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
