it was like his penis was on wheels.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Randomize
