Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
