Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think my moral compass just broke
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
