I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
