Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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