I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
