is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Im part way to drunk.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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