i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Randomize
