ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
