Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
