Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
