I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
