just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
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fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
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My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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