i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she smelled like a LAN party
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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