Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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