I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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