I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize