also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
