Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
