Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
