I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
