I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
