so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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