Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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