My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
