Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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