At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
