The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
