I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
