This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
