hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
